Hey Guys, the Red Pill isn't the Way Out
When anger becomes your worldview, compassion feels like an attack.
**If this resonates with you—or if you're trying to better understand how men process emotions in a culture that doesn't make it easy—check out Level Up, a private Facebook group for men learning to build emotional strength and connect with others doing the same. It’s a space for real growth, not blame.**
Last week, I published an article called The Anger Men Were Taught to Feel, about how men in our culture often grow up emotionally stunted—not because they’re bad or broken, but because they’ve never been taught how to manage or even name what they’re feeling.
I wrote it out of concern and compassion with a desire to support (and I wrote it primarily for men).
Then I got this comment:
“I know why [men feel disconnected]. Because I (and every other man) is saddled with misandry, dismissal of men, and man-hating feminism that is pervasive in the culture. Everything from being told that I have to register for the military draft, but my two feminist sisters are exempt, to the Democratic Party stating on their website that they serve women, but not men. There are also the feminists in human resources that openly discriminate against men. The way out is to take the Red Pill, and connect with other men, and compare notes with them, as to dealing with these situations.”
I want to break this down- not to mock the commenter- but because comments like these are incredibly common for me. I get some version of this response pretty much every time I write about men’s emotional lives. And I think it tells us something crucial about how male anger is shaped and often, tragically, misdirected.
This anger isn’t about facts. It’s about interpretation.
Let’s start here: I live in the same country Frank does. I also had to register for the draft. I’ve also seen political messaging, gender equity initiatives, and workplace diversity policies. But I don’t interpret those things as personal attacks. I don’t walk through the world feeling “saddled with misandry.” And I certainly don’t think feminism is the enemy.
Frank’s anger isn’t emerging from the facts alone. It’s emerging from the story he tells himself about those facts. He sees a culture-wide conspiracy against men. That narrative may feel true to him, but it’s a selective truth. And like most emotionally loaded narratives, it makes it hard to see the bigger picture. What is that bigger picture? It’s that the systemic neglect of men’s emotional development is real. But that systemic neglect is not the result of feminism (quite the contrary actually). It’s the result of a culture that has long treated emotional vulnerability from boys and men as weakness.
Interestingly, Frank’s comment support the point of the article: many men are emotionally immature. And instead of turning inward to explore their pain, they turn outward in rage. They lash out at anyone they believe represents the source of their suffering.
The placement of the comment is telling.
This was a piece about emotional growth. About building a healthier relationship with your inner life. About helping men feel less alone.
And Frank used it as an opportunity to rant about feminist HR departments and Red Pill ideology. Honestly, this is is really sad. Because what I see in Frank’s comment isn’t just anger. It’s hurt. It’s loneliness. There’s a desperate need there for meaning and connection. But all of that gets swallowed up in bitterness and blame.
The Red Pill narrative offers a kind of simple but hollow fix for men who are feeling the way Frank is. It’s quick, satisfying, but ultimately hollow. It tells men that their pain is real, but that it's all someone else's fault. And while there’s a real community there, that community is built on blame instead of growth.
We can do way better.
Men are struggling. That’s not up for debate. But the way forward isn’t through blame. It’s not through constant discussion of how unfair the world is. It’s through reflection. It’s through connection. It’s through learning to say, “I’m hurt,” instead of “You’re the problem.”
When I write about men’s emotional lives, I’m not attacking men. I’m trying to help. But the kind of anger Frank and others express can’t hear that. It’s too entrenched, so it sees care as evidence of hostility.
So here’s my ask to the Franks of the world: pause. Ask what your anger is trying to protect. Ask what it’s distracting you from. And ask whether the people offering support might actually be on your side.
Because the way out isn’t the Red Pill. It’s emotional courage.
I’ve created a space (a private Facebook group called Level Up) for men who are ready to change. I believe that the path to real success in relationships, work, and life more generally starts by unlocking emotion management the skills you may never have been taught growing up. Learn more about me and my work at All the Rage.
In answer to your question, my anger is a defense mechanism to deal with the culture that devalues and disrespects men at every bend in the road.
I would rather take action on it, then discuss it in a Facebook group. I belong to the men's advocacy organization that sued the Selective Service System for it's obvious discrimination against men. The same organization is also suing the State of California, for it's refusal to start a men's commission to go with their women's commission.
With the feminists in human resources that openly discriminate against men, I hired a lawyer and obtained settlements for their open violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
When I have seen female doctors discuss their preference for treating female patients, I complain about that to the hospital administration. I also strive to warn prospective male patients about that, as well.
I have reported non-profits that only serve women to the IRS, as discrimination by non-profits is not permitted under IRS rules.
The mother of Jeff Younger's son brainwashed him into believing that he was really a girl. She legally kidnapped the boy from Texas to California, and found a judge that gave her the green light to chemically, and possibly physically, castrate the boy. Unfortunately, I don't know how to help Jeff.
Have YOU done anything along these lines, Ryan?