Imagine you’re driving to work. You’re running a little late and you’re stressed. You’re behind another car, approaching a green light when it turns yellow. You think you can make it just fine, but the car in front of you stops.
So you have to stop too, and now you’re stuck at stoplight and even later than before.
You get frustrated. Your heart rate increases, your muscles tense up, you start to catastrophize (this is gonna ruin my day) and you start to think angry thoughts about the other driver (why did this idiot stop).
Situations like this offer us a very simple glimpse into why we feel by highlighting three critical elements: a stimulus, our mood at the time of the stimulus, and our appraisal.
The Stimulus (in this case, a provocation)
The stimulus is the thing that happened that led to the feeling. It isn’t necessarily “the cause” (there are lots of causes), but it is the initial spark. In this case, it’s the other driver stopping and slowing you down.
Stimuli can look a lot of different ways and different types of stimuli are associated with different types of emotions. Something unexpected and positive leads to excitement. Something unexpected and negative might lead to sadness or grief.
Sparks like these aren’t always something that happens to you. They can be things you do (I forgot to call my friend on their birthday), things you remember (I was in a bad car accident as a kid and still have nightmares about it), or even things you imagine/think could happen (my boss is going to make me work this weekend).
Our Appraisal
Of course, these stimuli aren’t necessarily emotion-inducing on their own. Some are, but usually they require some sort of appraisal or interpretation from you. To get angry, you have to interpret something as an injustice. To get sad, you have to interpret something as a loss. To get scared, you have to interpret something as a threat. Above, the interpretation was “this is going to ruin my day” which takes a relatively short delay (probably less than a minute for the light to turn green) and exaggerates the consequence as far worse than it might actually be (i.e., day-ruining).
Our Mood at the Time
Finally, our mood at the time influences our emotional response in these situations. Above, when you were stopped at the light, you were already feeling stressed because you were running late. That stress led to increased frustration by being stopped. It led to a different appraisal than if you hadn’t been feeling stressed (shoot, didn’t make the light vs. this is gonna ruin my day). It led to an even more intense physiological response than would have happened otherwise. The mood we’re in, defined broadly to include not just our emotions but other states like hunger, fatigue, and physical discomfort, plays a critical role in the emotions we feel in a given moment.
Why Does This Matter?
So why is all this so important? Because hacking your emotional life is about knowing all the different places you can intervene. In some situations, you can intervene at the stimulus (are there provocations or threats you unintentionally invite into your life). You can intervene with your mood (stay rested, get exercise, etc.). Or, you can intervene with your thoughts and appraisals (by asking yourself, is this going to ruin my day).
This newsletter will provide literally 100s of data driven strategies for how to hack your emotions using the model above and similar ideas.