The Best Way to be Mad

Anger is only good for you if you know how to use it.

I’ve long argued that anger is good for you (this is actually what my TED Talk was about). And I still believe that. Anger isn’t just some unpleasant emotion to suppress or avoid—it’s a signal. It tells you when you’ve been wronged, when something isn’t fair, and when you need to act. It gives you energy, focus, and the drive to confront injustice. Think about every major social movement in history—civil rights, labor rights, women’s rights. They all started with people being angry about unfair treatment and using that anger to fuel change.

Photo by Cottonbro Studio

But here’s the catch: anger only works for you if you know how to handle it. If you can’t control it, it’s dangerous for you and the people around you.

That’s why there are three things you need to do for anger to actually help you rather than hurt you.

First, Evaluate the Source

First, you have to be able to evaluate the source of that anger. You have to know if the provocation is real. Have you truly been wronged, or are you reacting to a misunderstanding, a personal bias, or just a bad mood? Worse yet, maybe you’ve just been lied to…. Imagine you’re in traffic, and someone cuts you off. Your gut reaction might be rage—how dare they? But what if they didn’t see you? What if they’re rushing to the hospital? If your anger isn’t based on real injustice, you’re overreacting, and that’s not helpful. Now, consider a workplace scenario. Your colleague gets a promotion you deserved, and it feels unfair. Before letting anger take over, ask yourself: Was the process unfair? Were you overlooked because of bias? If so, your anger is valid, and it can help you push for fair treatment. But if the other person was simply more qualified, then anger won’t serve you.

Second, Learn Control Strategies

Second, you have to be able to control your anger. Blowing up in the moment rarely helps anyone. Yelling at the driver who cut you off? Pointless and maybe even dangerous. Screaming at your boss over a missed promotion? Career-ending. Think about an athlete who gets fouled during a game. If they lose their temper and shove the opponent, they’re getting ejected. But if they channel that frustration into playing harder and smarter, the anger serves them. Controlling anger doesn’t mean ignoring it—it means managing it so it doesn’t cause harm. It means taking a breath, stepping back, and responding instead of reacting. It’s the difference between sending an impulsive angry email and taking a day to craft a well-reasoned argument that actually gets results.

Third, Channel it Productively

Finally, you have to channel your anger into something productive. Anger gives you energy—so use it. If you’re mad about workplace inequality, get involved in policy change. If you’re furious about a political issue, organize, advocate, and vote. If you’re upset about your own personal setbacks, let anger drive you to work harder and prove people wrong. Think about athletes who didn’t make the team, musicians who were told they’d never make it, activists who were dismissed as troublemakers. They didn’t just sit with their anger; they used it to fuel their success. Anger can be a powerful motivator, but only if you turn it into action.

Can You Do These Three Things?

So the question everyone should be asking themselves is… can you do these three things? Can you recognize real injustice, control your anger, and channel it into something positive? And if you can’t—do you want to learn? Because the truth is, anger is only good for you if you know how to use it. Otherwise, it’s just another thing holding you back.

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I’m committed to working more directly with people, especially men, who want to address their emotional agility and strength. Tools for men to learn more about managing their emotions, including anger, can be found at All the Rage Science (alltheragescience.com).